A September to Remember - 2nd day (Super-trail)

Sept 2nd, 2006

Eagle Trail Hares: Lemon Nads and Woa Wilbur
Eagle Trail Hounds: Dwarf Dick, Better Off Dead, Floppy, Pink Pussy, Wandering Woo, Flip her Over, Trust Me, Cheaper, Virgin Jon, & Virgin James
Shag Wagon folks: Banana Slit, Been There FT, & Franken

It was the afternoon of September 2, day two of the WRHHH September to Remember weekend. Many were still recovering from the red dress ordeal that took place the night before, but still showed up for the Super Trail consisting of four hares from each one of middle Georgia's hashes. The following paragraphs recap the experience of the eagle trail, hared by Whoa Wilbur and Lemon Nads.

The eagle hares left first and only asked for five minutes (rightfully so, considering their followers). Shortly after, the turkeys Rectal Ranger and TBK were blessed and moved to the turkeys' start. Five minutes later, the eagle hounds took off after WW and LN. They went across road, through briars, a few creeks and reached the first check. Two marks went down the dry creek bed we were in and then the footprints stopped. We all scattered in every direction and fifteen minutes had passed before Trust Me's train whistle echoed through the land when he found a hare arrow a QUARTER MILE from the check (©, Lemon Nads)!

The one and only beer stop soon followed, right around the corner from the start. Knowing that trail was at least five miles long, and we'd only gone a mile and a half, we took our time and everyone but Woo was smart and consumed a hydrating fluid (not beer).

An ample amount of time later, we spread our eagle wings once again, with Better Off Dead in the lead, the couragous hound he is. Dwarf Dick's dumb ass tried to keep up with him, and about a quarter mile later, stopped and waited for everyone else due to boredom on trail. It was probably for the best, too, because the trail that ensued shortly thereafter was one no one should do alone. We all sank into quicksand patches, swam through water that was the deepest shade of brown imaginable, ripped our skin through briars (except Pink, who wore what DD deemed 'cheaters' on her legs), and to cap it off, photographed the biggest fucking spider in the world, one that probably would have killed Rectal (without even touching him). Good thing he wasn't out there. Oh yeah, and a few hounds became obsessed with a structure in the woods deemed the "crack house," and even had the balls to enter it. A far cry from DD, who earlier suspected there were snipers inside and hauled ass past it.

This continued for a good two to three miles, give or take, and eventually, DD emerged into someone's back yard, and proclaimed "I see the light.... it burns!!!" BOD got to play with the dude's dogs for a few minutes while they waited for the one virgin to catch up. Remarkably they had the energy to jog the rest of the way in, and were greeted with much applause and "you look like death"'s from Rectal Ranger. Shortly after, we washed the swamp off in Wilbur's pool, Better Off Dead layed down by a tree and showed everyone why he got his
name, and circle commenced. Special thanks to Wilbur and Lemon for a
remarkable trail. It was one for the ages.

Many down-downs were taken for many reasons: wearing Air Force shorts, taking a cowardly dive into a pipe, not haring when supposed to, and for having man boobs to name a few. On after commenced shortly thereafter, and Brother and DD had fun splashing people with their cannonballs (no, I meant dives into the pool, pervert). BOD laid rather lifeless in Nutcracker's lap, Pink shared her eagle trail pictures, and the affair concluded with DD, Brother, But His Nut, and Rectal talking about football (imagine that!). Afterwards it was onto O'Malley's, and this is where it gets hazy, so the trash must end here and be recovered by someone who was less drunk than DD was (believe me, this is not a daunting task).

-DD

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WRH3 & Pregnant Lady trail Hares: Rectal & TBK
Hounds: Bone-a-Lisa, Brother Blue Balls, But His Nut, Doktor Do Me, Hasta Buy It, Jungle Pussoi, Nutcracker, Porn Princess, & Too Old to be Sexy

After fussing at Brother Blue Balls for snubbing
Woodsy Owl, we started off in pursuit of our hares,
TBK and Rectal. We crossed the street from the Food
Line..err, Lying, or uh, Lion or whatever, and we
immediately needed our mountain goat skills (good
thing we all have cloven hooves) to get down the hill.
We heard later that one of the hares, not the
pregnant one, fell on that hill laying trail. Except
for Jungle taking the lead and getting us immediately
lost, there were no significant events before the
first beer check (we saw boobies). Of course, the
first beer check was six minutes into trail. I
immediately decided this would be an excellent trail.

Butt His Nut aggressively left the first beer check in
pursuit of the hare because he said he wanted to rub
his beaver pelt on the hare's alter-boy-like back. As
BHN and NutCracker arrived at the second beer check
(about 10 minutes later), they were surprised by one
of the hares, Rectal Ranger, laying on the ground in
fear. It seems that there was a spider in the way of
where he wanted to lay trail. Well, after much
soothing and another beer, the hare left and went
through snake infested bushes with multiple spiders to
avoid the spider that had caught him in its web.
About two minutes later, we heard a young girl scream
in the woods (yes, Rectal saw a snake). The Pregnant
Lady trail went from a check back at the second beer
stop...and the brave WRH3 hashers that had enough
testicular fortitude continued on the Not So Eagle
trail.

Through the woods and down the hill, we were
challenged with a pipe crossing. This is where Rectal
saw the snake...yes, he screamed because a snake was
10 feet below him (those things can jump like
kangaroos you know). After helping some of the hounds
on to the pipes, we crossed without anyone taking a
spill. There was evidence of coyotes on the pipe
though...at least it tasted like coyote dung.

At this point, we saw the hare again. Yes, you
guessed it, he was lost. After BHN caught the hare
again, Bona was nice enough to take the bag and help
him lay trail a little...we all tried to guide him...particularly after he almost drowned in 18 inches of water. After much walking and taunting of the hare and the questions "are we there yet" and "how much farther" being repeated many times, we ran into Pregnant Lady trail and knew we were in business.

You would think that would be all of this trash, but
Brother BB, Jungle, and NCracker took one last change
to f*ck up. They went to the wrong house despite the
big "on in" marks and "BN" in Wilbur's driveway.
Luckily, the dog barked at them so they didn't go in
the house...and they slinked away un-noticed. :)

Anyway, excellent trail...beer checks, lost hare,
screaming hare, and a good boob check. Outstanding
job on our leg of the apocalyptic Super Trail!

~ Hasta

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Dok's "Pregnant Lady Trail" version:

After far too little sleep for many of us, a huge pack assembled for the September to Remember Super Trail in the Kroger Parking lot. Many of us were hung over and sipping the hair of the dog that bit us or we were still drunk from the night before and making a determined effort to stay that way. After a convoluted chalk talk (because Jungle’s scary virgin puppy dog showed up and was too stupid to understand the concept of hashing or following trail) our 4 hares- TBK, Rectal Ranger, Whoa Wilbur, and Lemon Nads received the blessing. At this point the pack broke into 2 groups- the turkeys and the eagles (except for Jungle’s stupid scary virgin puppy dog, he just stood around clueless.) Finally after having the premise of the run explained to him for a 4th time he decided to go with the eagles and the turkey’s breathed a sigh of relief.

The eagles took off running after Whoa and Lemon, while the turkey’s piled into vehicles to go to the alternate start. We were ferried to the Food Lion parking lot on Moody where we gave the hares a huge head start because we were all too busy drinking to watch the time. Finally someone noticed that we had been there for a really long time and that it might be a good idea to do trail.

So off we went across the street and down the oh so familiar shiggy filled gully. We followed the power lines for a while and then realized we really weren’t on trail any longer so we needed to double back and actually follow trail. We came out in our favorite subdivision with big houses and lollygagged down the streets until we got to the beer stop.

At the beer stop, the pack again split with most following Rectal’s WRH3 trail while Too Old and Dok opted to be lazy and follow TBK’s pregnant lady trail. We didn’t want a perfectly good trail to go to waste. Setting out at a leisurely stroll, we finished our beers and came out on Sandy Run Road. It was just a short distance to the end at Whoa’s house. Imagine our surprise when we arrived just after the Eagle hares and before Rectal Ranger. The rest of the pack straggled in with the WRH3 turkey’s coming in almost last because Rectal got lost on trail and Bona had to finish laying it for him.

Whoa put on a great spread of food and a great drunken circle was had. The after-on-after was held at O’Malley’s but I was too drunk on gin and tonics to remember it.

~ Dok