The state of Georgia has a crude reputation of ruthless droughts and scorching humidity. Heat can be seen off pavement, concrete, cars, anything. Thermometers top out in triple digits, and heat advisories are commonplace.

But not today.

After three weeks of drought and unforgiving heat, at 4:00 PM on July 22, the Georgia skies opened up with all their fury and literally rained on the parade of Dwarf Dick and the rest of the Warner Robins Hash House Harriers. Flash flooding and lightning kept away all but a handful of the WR faithful, who gathered in the steaming parking lot of Northside Elementary School. Surprisingly, among these faithful were the likes of people such as Bona, Rectal, Hurls, Been There, and Dok, not the likes of "iron" hashers like Cheaper, Flipper, and Lemon. I don't think the rain kept them away, they just weren't up for a Dwarf Dick trail.

...and rightfully so.

The trail began like any other; chalk talk went down, the hare was blessed and on out. Everything was looking like a damn good hash for the first leg of the trail; cutting through a 100 yard field of briars, hitting a few steamy roads, and arriving at the first beer stop. Brother Blue Balls, Rectal, NN Ken, Tick Dick, and Ogre and his virgin left the beer stop untouched and undisturbed. However, the rest of the pack was not so lucky and got bitched at by some lady who thinks rocks are an appropriate and effective way to mark private property. So, after some auto-hashing, they arrived at the turkey-eagle split close to the end.

Meanwhile, about five minutes after the beer stop, much to the hare's surprise, the dry creek bed he scouted was no longer dry. It was chest deep. Due to ignorance of an alternate route, he had no other choice but to swim to freedom. 50 yards and a now useless roll of toilet paper later, he emerged onto dry land, followed closely by the hounds. Except two, the likes of Brother and Rectal, who after saying 'fuck you' to the river, hopped a fence into what they believed to be a drug cartel, which was later revealed to be a water treatment plant.

However, Ogre/virgin, Tick, NN Ken decided to brave the water mocassin/alligator threat and follow DD's lead. After miraculously finding trail after the 50 yards of absence of marking, they continued on with a few friends. NN Ken had rescued a turtle from the flooding, and some dog tagged along with Ogre and the virgin.

About the time this was happening, DD met up with his secret hare, NN Sabelle, and began to lay the turkey-eagle split. Due to having no toilet paper, DD had to cut the eagle short when he started running low on flour, which barely held up in the swamp that was the eagle. Bona ended up clocking in first due to autohashing directly to the split, and took off in a sprint after spotting the hare emerging from the eagle, but still couldn't nab him. After the rest of the autohashers, Ogre and virgin, who took the turkey, rolled in, followed by Tick Dick who took the eagle.

By this time, the skies were starting to look like raining death again, so we quickly packed up and headed to Ogre's garage. But this was after we noticed that NN Ken was nowhere to be found. Thinking he was lost, drowned, or something along those lines, a cell phone (oh shit,
technology) network was established. However, due to Hurls' dumb ass not calling Brother to let him know that Ken had simply not gotten to the end yet, many hashers had drinking time cut into by sitting at the start for about a half hour after he rolled in.

Anyway, the circle had been established at Ogre's house, and after about two and a half hours of down downs, gin polished Hash Shits, and constant "where's the turtle"s, the circle was ended and everyone went in peace. Whether someone got a piece or not, I don't know. Maybe we should ask the turtle.

-DD