October 15th, 2005
1st Analversary Hash

Start: Winn Dixie on Hwy 96
Hare:

The pact gathered at the oh-so-familiar Winn Dixie on Hwy 96 for our 1st Analversay run. Most of the usual suspects were there although several of our members were AWOL. Our illustrious Grand Master, But His Nut was missing (some lame excuse about being TDY), Bone-a-Lisa and Rub-her-Dickie are off playing in the sandbox, Studless is God knows where in the USA, and Make-a-Hole and Bimbo For Life just had no excuse. Cool Hand Lube even showed up ( for a few minutes) and she’s 9 months preggeres! All who missed are Wankers! (But we love you anyway)

A very bleary-eyed Jungle Pussy took our money and Banana Slit gave us our cool shirts. Almost everybody decided to play the Bobbsey Twins and wear their new Analversary tee-shirts. A mass strip commenced in the Winn Dixie parking lot. While everyone changed, Jello shots were found in a cooler and passed around.

Rectal Ranger was the evening’s hare. This worried a number of us considering that every time Rectal has previously hared the pack has become abysmally lost. However the Fat Boy hash seemed right up his alley. After a quick blessing (or rather dousing) with the Beast, Rectal set off with the pact hot on his heels. We were NOT getting lost this time!!! He was quickly snared by Lemon Nads and molested by TBK. After a “long” walk through “much” shaggy, we arrived tired or at least thirsty to O’Malley’s Pub. Our first beer stop looked like a ghost town when we first arrived and the Beer Wench actually looked glad to see us(she must have been desperate.)

Much rejoicing occurred when the hash bought our first round. Many were enticed with shooters. The Beer Wench tried to entice us to stay by offering a deal on Pizza and Pitchers but alas it was time to move on to the next beer stop. The pack straggled all the way across the street to Bahama Bob’s. This was a far more happenin’ place inhabited by many rednecks (but luckily no shotguns!) The hash again bought a round and we were all very happy.

Most of us adjourned to the outdoor sand pit to drink. There was live music and every song sounded the same. Drunk hashers called for the traditional “Freebird.” Our request could not be fulfilled (THANK GOD) but another Lynard Skynard song was played. Flip Her Over and Jungle Pussy took the opportunity to dance together and were promptly labeled lesbians by the aging Redneck/biker/trucker clientele. At some point in the evening Jungle ended up flat on her back in the sand pit.

After the lesbian dance experience and the hostile glances it produced, the pact wisely decided to move on. Rectal led us back to the start, piggybacking me at least part of the way. The bag van was opened and the last of the Jello shots were consumed. About a hundred verses of “I used to work in Chicago” were sung. A number of these verses were made up on the spot and contained highly amusing situations featuring our own hashers.

As Rectal led the pack on to the last beer stop at Shenanigans, some of the long time hashers sang “Jesus Saves- Hasher version” for the newer hashers. It took us forever to get to Shenanigans and again we were very parched (all that singing ya know.) Cum-Command-Ho and Twisted Pair as well as Too Old’s mom were waiting for us. Pitchers were again produced and there was much rejoicing.

There was an abortive attempt to name NoName Early but the pack was too drunk/too ADD to accomplish this. Plus no one seemed to know how too use the microphone. The live band took the stage back and dancing ensued. In short time we were making damn fools of ourselves (as usual.) I didn’t see any lesbian action here but I did see a number of lap dances and dirty dancing. Hurls and Rectal seemed to dance with every eligible female and sometimes with each other.

Late in the evening, Hasta swiped Banana’s camera and disappeared in to the men’s room with it. Several other male members of the pact then absconded with the camera to take pictures of their male members. By the time Rectal came back with it the batteries were dead. This scares me. Banana where are those pictures?

The hash ended at some point blending seamlessly with the On After. Drinking and dancing continued. There were body shots to be had in one corner and general merriment prevailed. The festivities were cut short by the fact that this was a Saturday night and there is no alcohol sold after midnight in this Baptist infested area. We were soon forced to stagger home to sleep off the drunk and face out hangovers the next morning.

Ok if I forgot anything important, I’m sorry. Blame Hasta. He didn’t tell me I was writing hash trash until I was way drunk at Shenanigans. Any omissions are his fault.

Dok